The ride
It was a bright morning, rich with possibilities. I’d just arrived, but how? I looked for someone to ask, but I was alone. I’d wait, and see where I ended up.
We drew into a station buzzing with excitement. Posters of foreign lands covered every wall. Clusters of travellers, luggage-laden, chattered together. Yes. I’d join them. I stood, then hesitated. I had no luggage, no knowledge of distant places. And with a shrug, the train moved on. I pressed my face to the window, wishing I’d been braver.
At the next slowing I stood to disembark, but this place had a sombre look. Furrow-browed people huddled in discussion. These were wise and powerful travellers. I moved towards the exit and tried to call out, seeking understanding, but no sound came, and I scuttled back to my seat.
The following stop was palatial. Richly clothed travellers strolled, admiring each other. I could be like them, wealthy, unencumbered, joyous. I glanced down, and recoiled. I was naked. I cowered in shame, and to my relief the train moved on.
I passed through a multitude of stations, each offering a different way, a different future. I stayed put.
Then came a shuddering stop. Had I dozed? Outside was black, deserted. Someone spoke, and I stood, bewildered.
“Terminus,” came the voice. “End of the line.”
And in disbelief I stumbled out into that dark place. “Already?” I cried, but I was alone. Then I noticed, on a distant platform, a faint, flickering sign: “Board here to try again.”
***
A train carriage. Empty. What a great prompt. Thanks to Jenne Gray and C.E. Ayr for hosting The Unicorn Challenge. This is my story for this week.
It would be nice if we could board life again. I suppose that is what sleep is for to give us a new start every morning.
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That’s a positive attitude. A new start every morning – lovely thought. Thanks for reading.
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.Ooh, Margaret – bluff and double bluff!
Beautifully crafted with descriptions that make the people and the situations – and the choices – stand out vividly.
And the words you use around your narrator – ‘wishing I’d been braver’, ‘scuttled’, ‘cowered’, ‘bewildered’ – draw such a clear picture of dream-feelings of inadequacy.
And then the flicker of light – ‘Board here to try again’.
Perfect!
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Thanks, Jenne, for your wonderful comment. It’s good to know the word choices work, and the feeling of the story comes through. The ending was a last minute idea. I originally finished it with the dark platform, and then decided to twist it again and give it a more hopeful ending.
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Loved this, and was completely thrown by the last line.
It made me wonder if we’d really do things differently if we could try again…
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What a question that is – would we do anything differently? I’m so glad you enjoyed the story, C.E. The last line was a late spark of inspiration. I was feeling unhappy with the dark ending I originally had, and then that idea came. I love it when that happens. I’ve been doing a few too many gloomy ones lately.
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In all honesty, Margaret, I’m not sure it improves the story, but maybe I just like dark and gloomy!
And the writer is always right!
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Ah, that’s interesting. I appreciate that feedback so much, C.E. Thank you. I’ll always accept and consider such well-intentioned suggestions. This writer, for one, isn’t ‘always right’.
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(er… wait… I know your tricks…. ok, just the first third…. then I’ll read the comments and only then)
rats! couldn’t disembark.
outstanding story-ette.
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Tricks? Tricks? ☺️ Haha. Thanks for staying on board, Clark. And for your lovely comment.
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“And somebody spoke and I went into a dream“
A day in the life of Margaret, superbly told as always.
No do-overs, at least not in this angst-riddled lifetime!
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Thanks, Nancy. I agree – no re-runs for me either.
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The last few words came as quite a relief. We don’t often get second chances! Delightful, Margaret.
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Thank you, Keith. We usually don’t get another go at things we perhaps messed up the first time round, but wouldn’t it be nice if we did? Only in stories 🙂.
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Wonderful they get another chance but disheartening to have to go through that again. Hope they are more successful this time.
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Yes – would we do anything differently if we had a second chance?
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If I knew what I know now, I certainly hope so!
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