The ride

Photo prompt © Ayr/Gray

The ride

It was a bright morning, rich with possibilities. I’d just arrived, but how? I looked for someone to ask, but I was alone. I’d wait, and see where I ended up.

We drew into a station buzzing with excitement. Posters of foreign lands covered every wall.  Clusters of travellers, luggage-laden, chattered together. Yes. I’d join them. I stood, then hesitated. I had no luggage, no knowledge of distant places. And with a shrug, the train moved on. I pressed my face to the window, wishing I’d been braver.

At the next slowing I stood to disembark, but this place had a sombre look. Furrow-browed people huddled in discussion. These were wise and powerful travellers.  I moved towards the exit and tried to call out, seeking understanding, but no sound came, and I scuttled back to my seat.

The following stop was palatial. Richly clothed travellers strolled, admiring each other. I could be like them, wealthy, unencumbered, joyous. I glanced down, and recoiled. I was naked. I cowered in shame, and to my relief the train moved on.

I passed through a multitude of stations, each offering a different way, a different future. I stayed put.

Then came a shuddering stop. Had I dozed? Outside was black, deserted. Someone spoke, and I stood, bewildered.

“Terminus,” came the voice. “End of the line.”

And in disbelief I stumbled out into that dark place. “Already?” I cried, but I was alone. Then I noticed, on a distant platform, a faint, flickering sign: “Board here to try again.”

***

A train carriage. Empty. What a great prompt. Thanks to Jenne Gray and C.E. Ayr for hosting The Unicorn Challenge. This is my story for this week.

17 thoughts on “The ride

  1. .Ooh, Margaret – bluff and double bluff!
    Beautifully crafted with descriptions that make the people and the situations – and the choices – stand out vividly.
    And the words you use around your narrator – ‘wishing I’d been braver’, ‘scuttled’, ‘cowered’, ‘bewildered’ – draw such a clear picture of dream-feelings of inadequacy.
    And then the flicker of light – ‘Board here to try again’.
    Perfect!

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    • Thanks, Jenne, for your wonderful comment. It’s good to know the word choices work, and the feeling of the story comes through. The ending was a last minute idea. I originally finished it with the dark platform, and then decided to twist it again and give it a more hopeful ending.

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    • What a question that is – would we do anything differently? I’m so glad you enjoyed the story, C.E. The last line was a late spark of inspiration. I was feeling unhappy with the dark ending I originally had, and then that idea came. I love it when that happens. I’ve been doing a few too many gloomy ones lately. 

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        • Ah, that’s interesting. I appreciate that feedback so much, C.E. Thank you. I’ll always accept and consider such well-intentioned suggestions. This writer, for one, isn’t ‘always right’.

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    • Thank you, Keith. We usually don’t get another go at things we perhaps messed up the first time round, but wouldn’t it be nice if we did? Only in stories 🙂.

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